20 & In Between

Someone asked me last week if I ever feel like I’m missing out on the traditional college experience and I gave them my most honest answer: Hell no.

While I did have a lot of fun during my freshman year, sometimes too much fun, looking at my friends’ stories and posts on social media don’t make me feel any type of FOMO. I knew I wasn’t going to miss it when I decided to leave, and I’m more of an “Out of sight, out of mind” person, anyway.

I don’t feel behind in regards to school at all. In fact, I’m actually a little bit ahead; I started college with over 30 credits and I’m graduating a year early. Anyway, what I actually feel behind in is a bit harder to explain.

As you could probably tell from the title of this post, logically, I know I’m not behind even a little bit. I’m earning my degree, I’m making money, and I pay for an apartment on my own. According to my friend’s pastor, I’m actually a bit ahead of the curve for people my age. And I think that’s exactly why I feel the way I do.

Since I decided to start taking control of my life in little ways (or big, depending on your perspective), like transferring schools and moving out of my parent’s house, people have been telling me that I’m an inspiration to them and that they can tell I’m ready for bigger and better things. So, if I’m an inspiration to people in their above-40’s, why do I feel so… I can’t even think of the word at the moment but hopefully you understood where I was going with that. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I should be enjoying my youth more; Taking weekend trips to whatever state a random generator picks for me, going out on the weekends, and not working an 8-4.

This brings up a very pressing issue I have: Why in the world is living so expensive?? I wouldn’t take back moving out, but gosh, I feel like a real adult. I digress.

Renting an apartment is such a big responsibility and that, obviously, comes with the responsibility of making enough money to not get evicted. It does bum me out that I can’t go on a trip to Florida with my friends at the beginning of May because I have to send out referrals, though. What bums me out more is that if I had been able to stay at my part-time job, I could’ve taken that trip. That is not the case.

Even though I’m doing things most people start doing at 22, I feel like I don’t have enough time to do most things people do at 20. I feel behind because I’m ahead, does that make sense? I just wish there was a way to make enough money to pay for my apartment and my groceries and gas and my electric bill without working for more than half the time I’m awake every weekday.

It’s easy to complain about these things because there’s not much I can do to change it, so saying it out loud, or writing it down, is like validating myself to myself. For myself? Anyway.

For now, I’ll suck it up and continue waking up at 6:30 for my job as most adults do. For now.

Also, I lied in my last post. I’ll be posting every Monday and Wednesday. Probably. Hopefully.