20 & In Between

You might think that working 40 hours per week at a younger age means I have money and spend it on whatever I want. If you’re an adult in real life, you definitely know that’s not true.

Had I stayed living with my parents, I would have a significantly larger number in my spending account. However, that’s not something I regret. Not even a little bit.

To put it simply, I have less money for leisure than I, probably, have ever had. While it can be frustrating to not be able to do certain things as to not spend money I don’t have, it’s shown me that money doesn’t always have to be spent.

Before this job, I would save half of my paycheck and then have a couple hundred dollars to throw around. At least, that’s how I used to think of it. I would unnecessarily spend money just because I had access to it. I would buy food I didn’t need, clothes I didn’t need, and a lot of other things I really didn’t need.

Now, the majority of my paychecks go towards my savings, rent, and utilities. It’s safe to say that this has changed my perspective on my spending habits.

While I do consistently have enough to get through the month, I wouldn’t if I had kept spending on things just for fun.

That’s been the biggest shift for me; the difference between having money and being responsible for money. When it’s not just “extra” anymore, I contemplate every decision I make, wondering if it’s truly a need or purely a want.

There are moments when I miss the version of me that didn’t think twice about buying something small just because I wanted it. Now, even something as simple as ordering food feels like a decision I have to justify. Do I really want it, or am I just tired? Do I need it, or is it just convenient? Most of the time, the answer is obvious, but I still ask myself anyway.

At the same time, I’ve started to appreciate money in a different way. Not in a “I love budgeting” kind of way, because I don’t. It’s in a way where I notice what actually matters to me. When I do spend money now, it feels more intentional. It’s less about filling time or boredom and more about choosing something I genuinely need.

I’ve also realized how easy it is to underestimate the cost of just existing. It’s not just rent. It’s utilities, groceries, random things you don’t think about until you have to pay for them yourself. It adds up fast, and it doesn’t stop. There’s no pause button where you get to catch up, it just keeps going every month whether you’re ready or not.

And somehow, in the middle of all of that, you’re still supposed to save. For emergencies, for your future, for things you can’t even fully picture yet. I have to pay for school on top of every other thing that comes up.

I’m still figuring it out. I don’t have a perfect system or some life-changing advice. Some weeks feel easier than others, and some feel like I’m just hoping everything lines up the way it’s supposed to.

If anything, this stage has made me more aware. Of my habits, my priorities, and what I actually value. Maybe that’s the point of being in between; learning these things in real time, even if it’s uncomfortable.

As frustrating as it can be, I know I’m learning something I wouldn’t have learned any other way.